To help you explore what things you would like to change about your life, One Life Live has partnered with life change specialists, New Meaning Ltd, to create a number of simple exercises.
In the lead up to One Life Live 2008 we'll add a new exercise each month, so do check back.
Have you ever wondered why you keep on doing things the way you do, even when you make a vow to yourself you will change?
Why do you react to some things angrily – when you promise yourself you won’t?
Why do you get frustrated on some days and not on others?
Why do you persist in behaviours or habits you really do believe you want to stop?
Do you dream of making a change – perhaps changing your job or your relationships, your parenting approach or your insecurities, but you know you will find it difficult to change behaviours, self-critical thought-patterns or negative emotions (e.g. shyness, insecurity, lack of confidence, deviousness)? Are these things holding you back?
You may not realise that these behaviours, thinking patterns or negative emotions have been learnt and then become ingrained as a result of your own actions and reactions to the significant events and experiences in your life. But hopefully you’ll be pleased to know that there are some very straightforward techniques that can help you to understand your actions and reactions better. There are also methods that can help you assess what action you can take to adapt your habits, behaviours and / or repetitive thinking patterns and ultimately influence your negative emotions.
To try out one of the techniques you can use the One Life Live Life Change Exercise explained here. The EAT (Experience Analysis Technique) has been developed by New Meaning Ltd, one of our Life Change exhibitors.
You may find it useful to enlist a friend to help you with this exercise.
If you can master this method, you’ll be on the way to understanding how you have developed some of the behaviours or habits that really bug you or hold you back. It will help you to see more easily the situations, influences, actions or self-induced negative thoughts that cause you to act or react the way you do. You will also understand better those situation that encourage your positive actions, behaviours and thought patterns.
Experience Analysis Technique (EAT)
The overall purpose of this technique is to help you review the meaning (or impact) you have derived from important life events and life choices – so that future life choices can be made more knowledgeably – making them more fulfilling and in keeping you’re your overall ambitions.
This exercise will help to identify significant life events and then rate the importance and meaning of those events on the formation of your prevalent habits, repetitive behaviours, negative thinking patterns and attitude. It will then help you to apply these learnings to your future life choices.
First of all you need to identify a number of different areas in your life to review. You can either use the areas suggested or create your own list. You might want to consider some of these options: career, education, family, self development, learning, romance, partnerships, health, fitness, hobbies or pastimes.
Now you need to draw a diagram for each of your chosen life areas. First of all draw a vertical line – writing positive at the top of the line and negative at the bottom of the line. Then, mid way down your line, draw a horizontal line – this line will represent your age from 0 to your current age.
You are now going to plot the significant things that have happened within this area of your life along the horizontal line e.g. your first job; your first promotion; your degree; your first girlfriend/boyfriend; your wedding; a bereavement; major accidents etc.
First you need to rate the event in terms of its significance and whether it was a positive or negative life event. First of all you need to decide if it was a positive or a negative event in your life (this will determine whether the event is positioned above or below the line) then decide how significant the event was on a scale of 1 to 4 - (where 4 = highly significant; 1 = low significance). Now plot the event on your line using its rating to determine its position i.e. if you have rated something as highly significant (4) and a positive event then it will sit right at the top of your chart. If you have rated it as of low significance (1) but as a negative event then it will sit just below the line.
Plot each of your life events onto your chart and then create additional charts for each of the different areas of your life you wish to look at.
Sometimes very major life events can be a turning point or a marker that you perceive to have affected the rest of your life. Pay particular attention to major events – such as death of a loved one, or a bad (life-threatening) accident and see if this changes your attitudes to events that followed.
Analysis
When you have completed the exercise for each area, make some notes about the meaning you derived from each of the events you have highlighted. What was the impact on you? What did the event change about the way you deal with similar events in the future?
This part is most difficult. If you find it hard work, start by simply describing the actions you took, the behaviours you showed, the others involved and the actions and behaviours they showed. Then move on to describe your perception of the event, your criticisms of your own role or actions, your interpretation of why others did what they did. After this see if you can identify and specific emotions you were feeling.
The actions, behaviours, thought processes, feelings will normally lead you on to see the impact of the event on you – or the meaning you ascribed to the situation.
If you look for other similar experiences at other times in your life, try to decide if you were struggling against the earlier impact in order to change – or whether you repeated the response pattern. Repetition could indicate learning of a new behaviour or habit that is either desirable (positive) or undesirable (negative) for your future.
AT THE END of this exercise, go back through the choices and – with the benefit of 20:20 hindsight, see if you would change any of your decisions.
Make a note of the important themes you want to change when you make life choices in the future. Depending how detailed you want to be, you can use this method to identify similar events that will happen in the future – and to project forward for the type of reaction or behaviours you would like to adopt.
This Life Change Exercise has been prepared by New Meaning Limited as part of a joint venture with One Life Live 2008. For further advice on this exercise or a free-no obligation consultation, please contact New Meaning.
New Meaning offer a number of programmes, offering practical, realistic technques that can help maximise achieving success in different areas of you life.
For more information take a look below:
    
Meaningful Virtual The Energy Real Deep
Minutes Meaning Session Test Meaning Meaning
Many contemporary social scientists, notably Erik Erikson and Daniel Levinson, have conducted research and identified specific developmental stages through which most people pass in their life's journey. Based on this well developed body of literature we have developed an exercise that invites you to review the issues and characteristics of typical life stage progression and evaluate where you are.
The following summaries are developed from the work of the scientists noted above and also from more popular personal development research of modern years.
Uprooting (Age 16-20, leaving home, finding your feet in the world, feeling a bit lost)
We're weighing up autonomy against dependence on parents, developing how we might feel and act on our own. We test out relationships, move on from a family foundation for our social or community network to one of friends, peers or groups.
Early Adulthood (Age 20-28, experiencing career and independence, often enjoying life and gratification, rather than seeking meaningful work)
Now we really are 'out on our own'. We are likely to be thinking more seriously about settling down rather than keeping options open. We might be making some more permanent commitments to others now, casting off some less valued friends and deciding on longer term bonds. A time of exploration and often a sense of freedom.
Transition (Age 28-32, questioning own lifestyle, direction, vocation, contribution to society or the world)
This time of life can be very disturbing and unsettling for many. We question our initial career and / or relationship decisions. We may wonder why we are working in apparently non-rewarding roles and some break out and take on vocational or even voluntary work in keeping with principles. There can be dramatic changes of direction or an affirmation of decisions made. Women are reportedly more unsettled in this period than men.
Rooting (Age 32-39, accepting your lot, or breaking out of your situation to follow your dreams)
After the (possible) period of transition turmoil we are likely to decide on a firm direction and become dedicated to pursuing our ambitions. More permanent commitments to love and relationships are likely, some will develop a sense of community and social responsibility during these years.
Mid-life (Age 39-45, challenging norms, self versus partnership, work versus family);
Characterised as the mid-life 'crisis' when men are traditionally out buying fast cars and motorbikes, while having affairs and being disruptive. More likely all of us are questioning our dreams and whether we have fulfilled them or can in the future. It's also now known that this mid-life stage lasts longer for women than for men. Very commonly, we can realise that we have a negative impact on relationships because we are questionning the validity of our feelings for our partner. We will often move on after recognising previous problems and the fact that we only have so much time to get things right. Our awareness of our limitations can become very clear to us. We may revisit questions of younger years about the way we live and the style of life we really do want to follow.
Restabilisation (Age 45-55, scale back ambitions, establish a real sense of self-worth)
This stage is characterised as rather lovely by the psychologists involved in the research. We probably let go of earlier over-ambitious ego images and accept ourself as worthwhile even if with 'weaknesses'. We settle into more realistic relationships based on nurturing and forgiveness. We listen more to our own inner voices rather than being susceptible to external influences and peer pressure (often only perceived in any case).
Mellowing and Renewal (Age 55-65+, stopping to smell the flowers, finding new fulfillment, enjoying second home, travel, family)
Finally, there is a lot of evidence now, that this period is the happiest of our lives. We understand mortality and accept our own and others differences and inefficiencies. When successfully addressed, we move through the change to retirement and recognise that we have some wisdom to offer others based on our learning. We are also very likely to become more accepting of others opinions. In successful relationships, couples become closer than ever previously.
Assessing your life stage
So - where are you now? And what does it mean for you? Using the questionnaire below and the information above, we hope you can see if you are 'ahead of the game' or perhaps have some unresolved issues. We hope you can see that it's normal and appropriate to have a degree of unsettlement or even panic or turmoil in your life. We hope that seeing the patterns that others (generally) follow will give you strength to address your own concerns.
There is a school of thought that suggests that as we progress through life, we attempt to answer questions that are thrown up at different life stages and by our own particular situations. If we cannot successfully resolve these questions, we find very often that we revisit the turmoil or discomfort of an earlier problem again in later life.
Typically, people will reconsider the questions of teenage life again in late twenties / early thirties; and if not resolved then again at the mid-life stage. If no conscious or even accidental and sub-conscious solutions are found then people can remain unfulfilled or unhappy - carrying on repeatedly confronting or perhaps worse mentally ignoring and burying the more difficult issues or problems of life. This can result in a lot of pain, difficulty, stress, anxiety or sometimes, mental health problems.
Understanding these life stage-related issues is a good step on the way to addressing them.
Life Stages Questionnaire (after Sperry, Michelson and Hunsaker)
In the following questionnaire, mark the response to each question with how you think you really are now - not how you would like them to be. Choose only one answer and then enter into the analysis table below the last question.
- My main ambition or "driver" is:
- being recognised for my chosen profession
- financial security for retirement
- being independent and doing whatever I want
- accepting the shortfalls in my life
- trying to take my last chance fulfil my ambitions
- selecting the right job for me
- seeking my life's purpose or vocation
- My future is:
- not clear but getting more important to me
- an open book with all kinds of opportunities
- getting shorter and with less and less options
- not important. I am focused on the 'now'
- of no importance to me
- a time that I only dream about
- very limited and I haven't got much time left
- My main value is:
- safety and security
- being self sufficient
- achievement / status
- being independent
- my own identity
- commitment and contribution
- experience
- My personal identity is:
- shaped by my degree of success at work
- in turmoil - do I stay doing what I do now - or do I change?
- happily well established and I am content with that
- well defined and I am pleased about that
- associated with my family
- pretty well defined, but I am not totally satisfied with it
- apparently out of my control
- One of my main ambitions is:
- enjoying my time in the present
- not to be relying on my parents so much
- to think about what my life has meant to me and what to do with the little time I have left
- deciding what to do in life
- making enough money that I don't have to worry about money
- to identify what is right for me
- to be socially active
- My life is:
- an urgent drive to succeed
- not rushed, a time to share wisdom with others
- totally open to change, anything can happen
- stable, what's done is done
- up to me to determine and to control
- going past fast, there might be only one last chance to succeed
- not clear and full of really important decisions
- My relationships are:
- in a constant state of change as I try to find out more about myself
- full of me asking for acceptance of my life choices
- not exciting but fill a need I have for support in my career
- stable and consistent
- less intense
- friendly, with close friends giving support
- a rediscovery of previous feelings about dependency or independence
- My career is:
- conflicting with other areas of my life
- getting into perspective
- new to me, I'm just learning about work
- in review, I'm trying to understand what it is that I want from my career
- steady, I'm getting more effective at what I do
- coming to a close, I want to be remembered when I retire
- about discovering new skills
Life Stages Analysis Table
Enter the answer you selected for each question in the table below. The row with the most answers selected indicates your most characteristic current life stage.
| Life Stage (approx yrs) |
Question |
| 1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
6 |
7 |
8 |
Total
No selected |
| Uprooting 16-20 |
c |
f |
d |
e |
b |
c |
f |
c |
|
Early Adulthood
20-28 |
f |
b |
f |
f |
d |
e |
b |
g |
|
| Transition 28-32 |
g |
a |
e |
g |
f |
g |
a |
a |
|
| Rooting 32-39 |
a |
g |
c |
a |
e |
a |
c |
e |
|
| Mid Life 39-45 |
e |
c |
b |
b |
c |
f |
g |
d |
|
Re-stabilisation
& Flowering 45-55 |
d |
d |
a |
c |
g |
d |
d |
b |
|
Mellowing
55–65+ |
b |
e |
g |
d |
a |
b |
e |
f |
|
The knowledge you can gain from the answers given in this questionnaire means that you now know whether you are advanced or behind in life stage terms compared to your peers (or the average); whether you have significant issues hanging over from previous life stages that need to be resolved; whether you are 'normal' for your age or different - this can cause problems if you are attempting to fit the image for your age group, while wanting to act a different age.
One of the most important points to learn from this exercise, is that it can be difficult to proceed through life without resolving issues that arose in your past. This might mean you need to revisit those issues and analyse them for effects on you, on others, behaviours adapted to cope, evasion. The other main point is that there is no one steady pattern that is followed by us all. Each of us will move through the stages in our own unique pattern.
This Life Change Exercise has been prepared by New Meaning Limited as part of a joint venture with One Life Live 2008. For further advice on this exercise or a free-no obligation consultation, please contact New Meaning.
New Meaning offer a number of programmes, offering practical, realistic technques that can help maximise achieving success in different areas of you life.
If you feel that your life is out of balance, but are not sure where the problem lies, then this exercise could help shed a little light on what changes you might want to make.
The life balance wheel is a very simple – yet effective – exercise to start you off on the path to making some positive changes. It won’t give you a specific answer to your issues, but it can help you decide which area (s) of your life need (s) some more targeted personal development effort.
N.B. You will need to print this page to complete the exercise below.
Method
Think about all the different areas of your life and how satisfied you are with each of them. Make a list selected from the suggestions below or create your own headings. You will need a total of eight headings.
Think about the different areas you have selected and give each a rating for your current level of satisfaction (0 = total dissatisfaction, 50% = 'half' satisfied, 100% = total satisfaction).
| Life Area |
Current Satisfaction Level % |
| Career |
|
| Finances |
|
| Physical environment |
|
| Friends |
|
| Fun and recreation |
|
| Relationship/romance |
|
| Personal development/education |
|
| Family |
|
| Spiritual life |
|
| Holidays |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
| |
|
Now attribute each spoke of the wheel to one of your headings and, starting at the centre, shade in the percentage figures against each life area. Just for guidance, each circle represents 20%.
Here’s an example for a couple of categories:
You will now have a wheel that represents your overall satisfaction with life. Does it form a perfect wheel or are parts of your life out of kilter?
Your wheel should help highlight for you the areas that need work. The first step to achieving satisfaction is to be consistently aware of the areas that you are not happy with and be motivated to change them.
Life balance is about noticing when you are too focused on one area of your life, meaning you neglect others. Sometimes you will only need to make small adjustments to get things back in balance, at other times it may mean a more major life change. The Life Balance Wheel helps you recognise the issues you have with your life and can assist you as you start to address them - helping achieve the life balance you crave.
What do you want to be different?
The key to achieving a life balance is understanding what you want to be different in your life and then taking positive steps to achieve it. When you know what it is you are aiming at it becomes much easier to focus your energy on what matters most, rather than wavering around without a desired outcome.
If you are struggling to define the changes you want to make, try picturing what you want your life to look like a year from now. Go through each of the headings you've created and write a brief account of what this area of your life looks like in one year's time. Also try writing down what steps you took to change your current situation into the one you have imagined for yourself a year from now?
What's stopping you?
Take another look at your Life Balance Wheel and choose an area where you have indicated a low level of satisfaction. Look at the description you have created for this area of your life a year from now, and the changes you needed to make to achieve this new picture. Now ask yourself what is holding you back from making those changes?
Focus on:
- What are you afraid of?
- What would you do if you had no fear?
Fear can be one of the most debilitating emotions when trying to make a change. Something as simple as taking some time to really understand what it is that you are afraid you can be extremely helpful in allowing you to push through the fear and start to make the changes you need to get your life back in balance.
Every few months re-visit the Life Balance Wheel and create a new one with your existing levels of satisfaction. Try not to look back at your previous wheels until you have completed the new one. Then place the wheels side by side and look at how the balance has changed. Where you have achieved higher levels of satisfaction note down the changes you made to achieve this positive change.
This Life Change Exercise has been prepared by New Meaning Limited as part of a joint venture with One Life Live 2008. For further advice on this exercise or a free-no obligation consultation, please contact New Meaning.
New Meaning offer a number of programmes, offering practical, realistic technques that can help maximise achieving success in different areas of you life.
For more information take a look below:
Meaningful Virtual The Energy Real Deep
Minutes Meaning Session Test Meaning Meaning
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